Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Aounophobes et Aounolâtres

I have received this reflexiaoun from JK, who got it from a friend who got it from... You get the aoundea. It is a waounderful saounple of Lebaounese humour;

Le principal clivage libanais semble être aujourd'hui celui qui sépare les aounophobes des aounolâtres.

Finies les vieilles querelles entre arabistes et phénicianistes, finies aussi les divisions entre huitmarsistes et quatorzemarsistes, entre bushistes et basharistes. Toutes ces lignes de fracture sont aountédiluviennes.

Aujourd'hui, pas moyen de finir un dîner sans qu'aounophobes et aounolâtres n'en viennent à s'aoungueuler. Ce qui pourrit la soirée des rares aouneutres et des nombreux aounenarienàfoutre, qui ne peuvent plus s'aountendre parler.

Yaounamarre !

Les querelles sont d'autant plus vives que les aounophobes les plus aounragés sont souvent d'aounciens aounolâtres qui ne se remettent pas de l'aounterrement de leurs idéaux d'aountan.

Les aounolâtres ne sont pas tous aountipathiques. Beaucoup sont aounnêtes et aountègres. Aountièrement dévoués à l'aountérêt supérieur du Libaoun. Ils ne sont toutefois pas aoundignés lorsque le général aountonne ses aountiennes aounticonstitutionnelles. Les aounolâtres sont complètement aounvoûtés et religieusement caounvaincus de l'infaillibilité paountificale. De vrais aounconditionnels.

Les aounophobes sont tous parallèlement des psychaounalystes. Leur diagnaounstic est sans appel : l'aountéchrist souffre de mégalomaounie, d'aounarcissisme, de paraounoïa et de schizophraounie. Les aounophobes préconisent un aounternement immédiat du général et sa mise sous aounxiolythiques pour éviter de nouvelles guerres d'aounnihilations.

Aounophobes et aounnolâtres ont fréquemment en commaoun d'être sous aountidépresseurs du fait de l'aounkylose aouncestrale de leur pays, haounté par des voisins aouncombrants.

Mieux vaut aoun rire que de s'aountre-tuer.

Karim B.
Aoungished Lebaounese citizaoun
prefering to remain aounonymous

This was first published in l'Orient Le-Jour, on Sept. 07... Thoug it is in french, I should read this paper more frequently; it is a smart read. It is available online, and you can find it at many good cofee shops; Columbus, and any Maison du Cafe...


EngineeringChange said...

Jeha, under your section "What the Pope said exactly," you don't mention all of what he said and specifically the part that is insulting to Muslims. Islam doesn't have a problem with "Violence is incompatible with the nature of God." What Muslims took exception to is when the Pope cited the words of a Byzantine emperor who characterized some of the teachings of the Prophet Muhammad as "evil and inhuman," particularly "his command to spread by the sword the faith."

This is a blatant distortion of history to say Islam was "spread by the sword." Like you mention, the Quran declares "Let there be no compulsion in matters of religion" (2-256). And "Evil and inhumane??" Why does the pope bring up a quote of a Byzantine Emperor whose enemy at the time was an Islamic faith that was rapidly spreading and threatening his rule? Is there any wonder Muslims around the world are angry?

After years of Pope John Paul favoring dialogue with Islam, I think now the Church and the Pope are a bit scared and worried about the spread and influence of Islam--especially in Europe. With this subtle message--quoting somebody else rather than speaking for himself--the Pope is quietly gauging the reaction of Islam and indeed of Christians. He is also trying to piggy-back on the current Islamophobia epidemic raging throughout the west, hoping the Church's own reputation will be strengthed in the process.

I fear dark days lie ahead for the middle east. Pan-Arabism once rose as a partial reaction to counter Israeli power in the region and has been more or less declared dead. Now Islamism is the uniting force, far more powerful than Arabism and more importantly, Islamism will never, ever be declared dead. So the middle east may be in for a long struggle and lots of bloodshed until two issues relove themselves:
1. Until Islam is able to wrestle itself away from the like of Wahhabism, Bin Ladin, and mullahs in Iran.
2. Palestinians are given a state and the justice they deserve and Israeli aggressions cease to stunt the growth of so many Middle Eastern countries. This will eliminate the major rallying cry of the Bin Ladin type--well at least that was before Iraq and Afghanistan was invaded. Now I can only hope that will be the case.

Jeha said...

A good point.

I have update the post accordingly

Anonymous said...

A man walks into a pub and orders a drink. The bar has a robot bartender. The robot serves him a perfectly prepared cocktail, and then asks him:

"What's your IQ?"

The man replies "150" and the robot proceeds to make conversation about global warming factors, quantum physics and spirituality, biomimicry, environmental interconnectedness, string theory, nano-technology, and the Kama Sutra.

The customer is very impressed and thinks, "this is really cool". He decides to test the robot. He walks out of the bar, turns around, and comes back in for another drink. Again, the robot serves him the perfectly prepared drink and asks him:

"What's your IQ?"

The man responds, "about a 100".
Immediately the robot starts talking about Basket ball, supermodels, shooting, beer and women's breast

Really impressed, the man leaves the bar and decides to give the robot one more test. He heads out and returns, The robot asked:

"What's your IQ?"

The man replies, "Er, 50, I think".

The robot serves him an orange juice and says... REAL slowly:

"So Ya gonna vote ichel Aoun again?"