Friday, October 13, 2006

The Ig's are in!

This year, the Ig-Nobel award for Peace had many nominees. Personally, I was routing for a joint prize Olmert-Nasrallah.

They Were Both Inspired by God...

We all know Hassan’s claim. Yet Ehud also considered that “the Holy One, blessed be He, performed a miracle forIsrael, by “giving us a wake-up call a moment before it would have been too late”. Indeed, the war was “all Divine Providence […] what the Holy One, blessed be He, wanted to happen now. It could be that He wanted to put me to a test

OK, it is a different divine thing; a Divine Wake-up, or a Divine Test… Contrary to us Lebanese, Israelis have a choice; they can vote their leaders out. Even if those assure them that, “as long as I'm prime minister, I am certain the Golan Heights will remain in our hands for all eternity”.

At this rate, better prepare an application for membership in the Arab League, or start reading up on that Velayati Faqih thing.

Back to the Ig's: Electromechanical Teenager Repellent

Still, the Igs went to a better contender. One can hardly be disappointed. This being the prestigious “Igs”, the video of the august ceremony is (barely) available on line (watch nominations for site designs).

The Ig-Nobel award for Peace was awarded to Howard Stapleton of Merthyr Tydfil, Wales, for a device that “makes annoying noise designed to be audible to teenagers but not to adults”. Another application is that it can “make telephone ringtones that are audible to teenagers but not to their teachers”.

I prefer the first application. Students who want to get even with their professors have another, more useful outlet.

The winner is in august company; Last year’s award went to Claire Rind and Peter Simmons of Newcastle University, in the U.K., “for electrically monitoring the activity of a brain cell in a locust while that locust was watching selected highlights from Star Wars".

Further research demonstrated similar patterns of the brainwaves of the masses crowding around the ex-warlords of Lebanon, and other wannabe “Leaders”. Like moths to a flame.

A Tool of Many Uses.

Anyone interested to market it in Lebanon, go to the company’s website. Provided it works., you have the support of those who know what war really is. We could use the device will keep at bay all those braying teenagers who, born and raised after the horrors of the civil war, are too young to realize how stupid their “Leaders” really are.

So next time you see a mass of prepubescent warrior wannabes (do not be fooled by the beards) gathering to devoutly applaud their new prophets, zap’em! Maybe, in the commotion, they will run over the clamouring idiot standing at the podium.

As they ran home to mommy, we could, maybe, avoid the next war.

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