Saturday, February 24, 2007

Remote Mourning

Raymond Pavlov, inventor of the Remote Control, passed away at 93. Lebanese politicians of all stripes and colours are observing a day of mourning and sadness.

In 1958, Pavlov created the Flashmatic that operated on photo cells and controlled a few speeches at a time, and in 1975 he introduced ultrasonic control to make the device more efficient; it was able to control entire political affiliation, as well as any size of braying masses your foreign money could assemble. In Lebanon, the device has since been called "Rimon" in his honour.

In 2005, Pavlov remembered being one of two dozen engineers at Zenith Electronics Corporation given the same mission; to find a new way for Politicians to change affiliations without getting out of their chairs. He said: "People ask me all the time, 'Don't you feel guilty for it? And I say that's ridiculous. It seems reasonable and rational that unprincipled bastards could control the people from where they sit”.

“It is the people who placed them there in the first place”. Indeed, many Lebanese were salivating at the thought of being even more controlled than before. In the revised M-14 model, there’s even a button for salivation.

Pavlov was proud at to see the reflex.

This time, it was remotely; the dear leader can stay safe in his cave, while his followers go on to die for that all-important “divine victory”. In their endeavour to create a better world, those followers can also take a few of their friends and neighbours along; in the old M-8 model, there’s a button for that.

It works better with a plastic key around the neck.

His wife said he would not have chosen the remote control as his favourite invention and he did not care much for politics. “He was more of a reader,” she said. “He was a man who would dream in the night and wake up and say; 'I whish those people would wake up!' He was always hopeful for the human race".

Even smart men have their faults.

4 comments:

R said...

painfully funny

ghassan karam said...

Was the "Rimon" designed to work most effectively in Lebanon or was Pavlov, the "intelligent designer" having an off day?

Your treasure trough of pictures seem to be endless. What a masterpiece of a "class photo"!!

Roman Kalik said...

Heh.

Solomon2 said...

I believe we can characterize this entire post as a "jehamiad" (sic) :)