Friday, May 18, 2007

Shit Happens...

It is well established that different religions have differing philosophical views. Before you go on reading, a disclaimer; hold your breath and open your eyes. And please note that I do not make this stuff up.

I just report it…

Yes, It Stinks to High Heavens

In our part of the world, we’re far above the Bachelor’s level (B.S.) in this regard, as those philosophies have been “Piling up Higher and Deeper” for so long as to infuse all aspects of life, and infect all political discourse. The level of discourse has been particularly scatological for a while now; future generations of palaeontologists will have a field day collecting coprolites.

They’re bound to make a few choice discoveries; the local contributions are rich and diverse, worthy of earlier generations of fauna.

The pearls of wisdom are as varied as the different parties, politicians, and countries in the Middle East;

Political Parties

Kataeb: This shit is Phoenician,

Tayyar: Shit wouldn’t happen if Aoun was in charge,

Hezbo’: Shit will happen if we disarm,

PSP: Shit will happen if they don’t disarm,

Amal: We’ve been shit-less for too long,

Future: Come; let’s talk about this shit,

FL: Does the Hakim know about this shit?

PSNS: There’d be no shit in a “Greater Syria”,

Baath: This shit is a traitor to the Arab Nation,

Hamas: Let’s blow this shit up,

Kadima: Shit will happen if the government falls,

Likud: Shit will happen if the government stays,

Politicians:

Aoun: You’re all shit,

Assad: Allow me back or shit will happen,

Berri: What shit?

Geagea: Only I can stop this shit,

Gemayel: Better see a shit stylist,

Hariri: Here’s some money, now stop that shit!

Jumblat: I don’t believe in shit…May be I do… What time is it?

Karameh: Lebanese are immune to shit,

Nasrallah: No shit happened! We won!

Olmert: No shit happened! We won!

Netanyahu: No shit!

Siniora: Oh shit…

Others in the Neighbourhood:

Palestine: Why does shit always happen to us?

Israel: Why does shit always happen to us?

Egypt: We’ve seen worse shit,

The U.S.: How do I get out of this shit?

France: About that thing you're in, we refer you to Cambronne

Jordan: When you’re in deep shit, don’t make waves,

Syria: Send money or shit will happen,

Al-Qaeda: Shit will happen to you if you stay… and if you leave,

Iran: Nuke this shit!

The U.K.: Appease Iran, or shit will happen,

Saudi: Appease Iran, and shit will happen,

The wisest of all are the Gulf States, who learned from the example of others the pitfalls of scatological pursuits, and have decided on an optimal course of action;

Forget that shit! Who’s on for a Toga party?


10 comments:

M Bashir said...

shit man, i like this post...

another_someone said...

Chapeau monsieur!

Mustapha said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mustapha said...

Defecateously smart shit!

ghassan karam said...

Jeha,
You have missed my two favorite ones: If shit happens blame Israel, thus spoke Nasrallah and
If shit happens , you desreve it , sayeth the Catholic representative.

Anonymous said...

Hazbani
sorry, but I see that in north Leb. as in south Isr. the shit realy hit the fan.

Jeha said...

No s#1t!

I was just there this Sunday. The Barbeque was nice, the beer was cold, the weather nice... And you could hear the guns in the background; we had to go by side roads, avoiding the littoral where some the Fatah people were hiding in the groves.

OK, it's official; I am crazy. But one needs to refuse this reality if one wants to retain whatever shreds of sanity one has left. And one cannot refuse northern hospitality...

AM said...

Very smart post, I like it.
And the youtube ending is extremely appropriate ;)

Roman Kalik said...

Heh. Me likes, Jeha.

Solomon2 said...

I really like all this shit!